Not an auspicious start

 Yesterday was the first day of my 30 day Migraine trigger-free diet, and I spent it with a very sharp pain in my neck and shoulder blade.  There was no physical reason why my neck should hurt- I hadn't slept funny, I hadn't exercised- yet, there it was.  A very sharp uncomfortable pain.

I meditated on it, sending love and healing.  I did Reiki to try to release the pain.  I asked my guides where the pain came from and why.  The answer was fear.  You see, I am doing something to increase the joy and happiness in my life, and as a result of trauma, my body is afraid.  Past life trauma has left me with a lot of pain in my body.  Current life trauma has left me with some very limiting beliefs.  Together, it results in a lot of pain and fear when I try to do something good for myself.  

Last year, I read the book The Big Leap, which is about limiting beliefs and the fact that as a result of our programming or things that happened to us in the past, we may not feel we deserve or are worthy of happiness.  As a result of these limiting beliefs, we self-sabotage our happiness with upper limit behaviours.  This can take the form of worrying, squabbling, deflecting, or in my case, getting sick or hurt.  I have discovered a pattern in my life.  Whenever things are going really well, and I'm feeling content or day I say, even happy, I get sick.  A cold comes on, or a migraine, which puts me back in a place I feel much more comfortable- merely surviving.  You see, my parents did not raise me to be happy.  They were not happy and when I felt joy or happiness, it was like I was shoving it in their face and they couldn't me around me.  I quite quickly learnt that if I wanted love, I be happy.

So, when things are going pretty well in my life, I suddenly find myself with a migraine which brings me back to reality.  However, everyone is worthy of happiness and love.  We are not put on this earth to be miserable and unhappy, so I am working on my limiting beliefs and doing my best to find happiness and joy everyday.