#%*@!

 Looks like I spoke too soon yesterday- I had a migraine last night.  I immediately started to look for the cause.  Did I eat anything different or unusual yesterday?  What was going on during my day?   I did have a peach tea that made me feel a little off, maybe it was that.  I also had some crackers and a gluten-free ginger snap, maybe it was those.  Or maybe I just got a headache.

This leads me to another dimension of my migraine journey, and that's whether on some subconscious level, I am causing my headaches as part of my upper limit beliefs.  In the book The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks writes about how upper limiting beliefs can lead us to self sabotage our happiness.  For whatever reason, some of us feel like we don't deserve or aren't worthy of happiness.  Because of things that happened in our past, we feel that we are only allowed so much success.  We have beliefs that there is an upper limit to our own happiness and that bar is usually set very low.  So, yesterday I was saying how good I felt and that I thought the diet was working.  I was happy and feeling great.  Maybe, somewhere in my psyche, feeling that good was too much.  I have a fear that if things are going too well for too long, that something is going to come along and make it all fall apart.  Maybe, I give myself headaches because I know how to deal with them and they are comfortable and known.  Maybe it's better the devil you know than the one you don't. 

 So, I recognize this potential behaviour in myself, which is the first step, but what do I do now?  I continue to heal.  There are some pretty deep wounds within myself that need love and care.  It takes time to heal deep wounds.  I'm learning to be patient with myself and to let go of ambition.  I'm learning to love myself and all my parts.  With time, I will come to accept that I, like all beings, are worthy of love and happiness.